Parenting from the Outflow: Why My Internal World Comes First

There is no guide to parenting. Despite the endless shelves of “how-to” manuals written by experts and happy parents, I’ve realized they are just records of what worked for them. As a mother of four, I am still learning who I am as I try to raise my children. Some days I feel like I’m killing it, and other days I feel like a total failure.

The Myth of the Consistent Parent

Parenting is a roller coaster. Just when you think you have it figured out, life throws a curveball. I used to think it was hard when my kids were little, but I adapted. Now, as they grow into teenagers, their needs, personalities, and hormones are shifting alongside mine.

I’ve realized it is actually unfair to demand consistency from myself—my internal world changes like the phases of the moon.

• There are days when I am introspective and low, coinciding with my menstrual flow.
• There are other days, during ovulation, when I feel ecstatic and capable of the impossible.

How can I be expected to tailor my parenting to a house full of different people when my own internal foundation is constantly moving?

Healing While Leading

I find myself at a crossroads, trying to heal my childhood wounds while figuring out how to parent in a way that feels true to my soul. I was raised with standards and hardships that I simply cannot—and will not—impose on my own children. Whether it’s because society has changed or because I find those old methods cruel and unsustainable, I am choosing a different path.

I often struggle with the uncertainty of my decisions. The world can feel judgmental and tyrannical, but I have to ask: am I the one judging myself harshly against a standard that doesn’t even know who I am? Just as I’ve learned to lead staff with empathy in complex care environments, I am learning to lead my children—and myself—with that same grace

Trusting the Outflow

Truth be told, none of us knows what the future holds for our children. It is unreasonable to exhaust ourselves today trying to secure an outcome that isn’t promised.

Instead, I am choosing to listen to my gut and trust the universe. My new mantra is simple: Parent from the outflow of how I’m doing on the inside.

I cannot pour from an empty cup; therefore, satisfactory parenting must start with self-care. When the “nuisance of worry” pops up, I choose to stay grounded and listen to my body, mind, and spirit.

Daily Affirmations for the Soulful Parent

• I honor my natural cycles and release the demand for perfect consistency.
• I parent from a place of healing, not from the shadows of my past.
• I trust my gut and prioritize filling my own cup first.
• I release the future and stay grounded in the present.
  

---